Hey, boys.

Well, I apparently lied. Paul didn’t take over.

Paul actually did write an entry, a heartbreaking tale of birthday-cake hilarity that involved a leather-bear deco cake, an evil lesbian, mumbled dates, and a diet, but somehow that tale never made it online. Needless to say, Frank will never again try to birthday cake someone without their full consent. Last month had plenty in the way of birthdays, with Paul, Nick and I all turning 18, 19, and 20, respectively. I can’t wait ‘till next year when I get to drink legally.

I celebrated my birthday with a meal of cuy, a gnarly Peruvian dish that needs to be ordered 3 days in advance, although it’s hard to tell why. The word “cuy” translates to “angry baked guinea pig,” which is more or less exactly what it is. As far as I can tell, you kill and skin a guinea pig, slit its belly, and unceremoniously throw it in an oven. What arrived at my table had all four paws and a very unhappy look on its face, which had an orange pepper jammed in it. It was leathery, and the waiter informed me that I should eat it with my fingers, since it’s “quite tough”. It was, in fact, what I imagine eating a football is like, but with kidneys, lungs, and “the curse of the Mummy” crammed inside.

As for the candiru, it really is a feared critter. Enough so that my guide (a burly Andean gentleman named “Rambo”) made a point of telling me to not piss in the river when I jumped in the Amazon for a swim with the dolphins. He also asked all the girls in our group if they were menstruating, because he didn’t want anyone’s vaginas eaten by piranha.

Which is all a roundabout way of saying, “Hi! I’m back!” My vacation ruled, but I actually missed work. Honestly. I called Paul from Bolivia just to say “hello.” At no other job have I ever felt compelled to email regularly while I’m away. In most cases, actually, all I can think about is how much I dread coming back. But I missed the crew here. But that’s Treasure Island: all about the love.

And the lust. Also about the lust.

So I’m back, and there’s roughly a month’s worth of catching up for me to do. We’re looking into starting a leather line (boys, let me know if you’re into this. I’m open to suggestions), we’re moving into new (and much, much larger) digs, and we have a number of films more or less in the can. Stay tuned. Updates will once again be a regular thing.