Lube & Culture

Nick, Treasure Island Media’s resident casting director, walks out of the audition room and up to my desk holding out a camera and some batteries: “Can you do this? The positive and negative aren’t marked.”

As I take it from him, I nearly drop it. It’s slipping around and almost impossible to hold. It’s like putting batteries in a live fish. My brain slowly makes the connection between where he came from, what he was doing, and why a camera might be all lubed up.

“Wait a minute- where were you trying to put this camera?”

He swears that he wasn’t doing internal photography. Considering the day-to-day of Nick’s life, he could very well be a proctologist. He has looked at the winking assholes of an intimidating percentage of the men in San Francisco.

Paul bought the office the Rolls Royce of espresso makers, a hulking beast that grinds beans, cleans itself, compliments your outfit, and brews your drink- leaving you responsible for nothing other than actually drinking it. And we now have two ginormous cabana-style umbrellas in the middle of our dot-com loft-office, meaning that we’re a foozball table, a couple of couches, and an office dog away from being an actual pre-crash dot-com company. Some people (Randy) think that air-hockey is superior to foozball, but I’m pretty sure that’s simply his own personal dementia.

Paul sometimes takes me aside and immerses me in culture. Recently he marinated me with Prokofiev, a Russian composer from the early 1900’s. Paul’s loaning me "Piano Concierto No. 2 in Gminor, Op. 16," so I’ll fill you in about it after I’ve given it a few listens. He also loaned me George Romero’s Land of the Dead, a really fun gore-fest with the occasional ham-fisted metaphor thrown in, proving that just because you’re a zombie movie doesn’t mean that you can’t have an opinion on the war.

Slurpin’ Jizz 2, as was predicted, is flying out the door- right now we’re on the front page of Vidioview, and the review copies are currently being very carefully studied by our cadre of reviewers. Life is good.

xox