Slurpin' Jizz 2

If the Lord in all His infinite wisdom shines down upon us, then nothing will get in the way of Slurpin Jizz 2 from being available to you, our beloved fans, on Monday. It will be the same set up as usual- for a few weeks, you, The Men in the Know, will get a super-discounted, introductory, we-love-you-this-much price.

I always love it when we release an oral flick. Most of our films are bareback, a word that makes a lot of people react like vampires to a cross. Frankly, those people don’t matter so much to me, except-

-part of my job here (my official title is Metatron), is to disseminate our films to our reviewers who then, in turn, write reviews and print them or post them to their websites. However, the gay vampires who populate the world of adult media (and the gay vampires who are completely outside the world of adult media, yet continue to try and tell us what we should and should not do), scare the doo-doo out of more people than makes any sense. This means that the reviewers will get the film, put it in their DVD player, beat their cock like they’re putting out a fire, and then act as though they never received the film. “Thanks, Saul,” their emails don’t say. “I’ll be sure to post this amazing fucking review that I, with my sticky fingers, just wrote,” they neglect to add.

However- the vampires can’t touch a good swallow flick. Hell, that’s all they do, no? ingest our vital essence? So the reviewers can now feel safe to say something simlar to this review which was posted for Slurpin’ Jizz 1 (notice the snide aside by the always opinioned Mark Adams, whom we adore).

These are the moments that make me, as a publicist, happy as a postcoital clam (how do clams fuck? First correct answer gets a free copy of Slurpin’ Jizz 2)- when everyone reads my press releases, when everyone reviews the films I send them, and when the studio that I call home gets its name all over the fucking place.

On an unrelated note: yesterday these two hot, muscly men were getting off in our little honeymoon suite (I don’t get to see the actual action as it goes on- I have to wait for the boys in editing to start working with the footage to get a glimpse), when the door opened up, and a very naked slab of very tattooed muscle pops out and says, casually, “Where’s the bathroom? I really need to wash my hands- I went kind of crazy with the lube.” Normal office activity more or less stopped as we gathered ourselves, shut our mouths, and pointed toward our bathroom. Without any sense of awkwardness, he strode, barefoot, to the bathroom.

That, Gentlemen and Gentlemen, is the reason to work in the industry named adult.

Everyone spent the rest of the day wearing a smug smile- we all had something special to brag about to our non-porn friends during happy hour.