Trash (Cummy Hole)

Make sure you check out today's podcast. It's the noise, directions, and compliments that have been taken out of our films and are generally left on the cutting room floor. Not that we cut actual film anymore, and the idea of digital information cluttering up a room is so postmodern it makes my Baudrillard hurt.

The move is underway. My desk is cleaner than it has ever been before, the whole office is in boxes, and we're all stoked about showing up at the new space on Monday, flooded with natural light, and making war on our neighbors.

Politics, James Mason, and "Pirate Tape 1"

We’ve been getting lots of letters from fans asking us why we weren’t at that fair last weekend. Apparently we were missed, which makes me happy, because we missed you, too. In past years we’ve attended and rocked the faces of everyone there, from the leatheriest of leather daddys to the confused parents pushing strollers through and wondering where the hell they could get a churro. However, this year we were obviously absent.

The short answer is: conservativism.

The slightly longer answer is: chicken-shit, scaredy-pants control freaks.

But not the “usual suspects” kind of conservative. Not Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell or George Bush or Tipper Gore. Nope. Gay conservatives. Isn’t that an odd term? Gay meaning “joyful”, and conservative from the Latin conservitas, meaning, “overwhelmingly boring bullshit”. Treasure Island Media is too risqué for a certain mindset, and amazingly, that mindset is a subset of the culture that invented sportfucking.

Have you seen straight porn? Not even watched, but simply glanced at the covers as you passed by en route to the T.I.M. films? Cumshitters. Sex with Young Girls. Anal Cum Addicts. Vivid Films (the closest porn comes to Hollywood) released a film with the byline “Love is Infectious”. Can you imagine if Treasure Island Media released that? We’d be fucking crucified. Outside of a handful of studios, gay porn is completely antiseptic. Porn you’d be comfortable watching while sitting next to your mother. We’re supposed to get excited every time My Pretty Pony releases another craptastic film starring elevator music and men learning how to respect each other. It’s retarded.

So we try to put out the sloppiest, most hardcore, smuttiest, wash-your-hands-when-you’re-done-masturbating por-fucking-nography, and we’re villainized for making jacking off fun again. We get asked to not attend what was supposed to be a celebration of our sexuality because, well, “think of the children!” It would be a shame if our impressionable homo brains were ever exposed to sex that wasn’t scrubbed completely free of passion and heat.

Bitter? Me? Nah. I’m just annoyed- I work in a dope fucking office with amazing fucking people, and the greater part of the open-minded people out there actively hate us because we don’t fit in their narrow view of what sex should be. Why is it that so many major studios think that their audience is deserving of condescension?

Which is enough of that.



On a lighter note, yesterday, when the office took a break from force-feeding crack to orphans, we watched a bit of Hitchcock’s North by Northwest. Ever since, we’ve all been walking around trying (and failing) to do an impersonation of James Mason. Specifically, James Mason talking dirty. Wouldn’t that have been wonderful? “Now lick my asshole, Lucious,” he’d say, with a hint of breathiness, amazement that he even had to say anything, and annoyance that Lucious wasn’t living up to his potential. He could communicate volumes of emotion by simply reading a list of locations. We were thinking of starting up a fan club, because I can’t find one anywhere. And then we could have a new tagline: “Treasure Island Media- bringing you gay porn and James Mason.”

You’ll notice a new link up on the right of the screen. It goes directly to the Paul Morris Podcast. Keep an ear out for the next episode. It’s going to be a few minutes of Treasure Island blooper reel.

One last thing- because last week’s contest went so well, lets do it again. Same rules- best post wins. This week’s prize is a copy of Pirate Tape 1. Get set, go!

xoxo

Premature Ejaculation

Congratulations go out to willmpls, who not only was the only person to write a little rhyme (albeit a forced rhyme with terrible use of meter...), and was the only person who inspired a spontaneous - and non-negotiable- vote. Mazel Tov, willmpls. Get ready to masturbate furiously to...

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"Pirate Tape 1" is now available at the TIM website. More on that Monday (and another contest!)

Possible Use of the "C-Word"

We have stickers all over our office. We’re two weeks away from changing our digs from our SOMA alley office to a swanky loft in SOMA.

Everyone here is looking forward to the move. Treasure Island Media outgrew this office a good while back, and we can’t wait to be in a space where Paul’s Olympian demands will have the acoustics they deserve. Hearing my name bellowed will be so much sweeter with an echo.

In keeping with our controversial nature, we’ve made enemies with our neighbors before we even got to move in. The woman at the firm next door to us yelled at me when I went in to introduce myself. I really don’t understand why- I’m sweet like sugar, and was making friends with one of the other people in the office when this lady (who, by the way, has the most severe bowl cut to grace this country since the British Invasion of 1960-something) just starts laying into me for being there at all. I said goodbye to the nicer lady and fucked off to avoid any unnecessary conflict.

When I got back to the office, I told Paul what had happened. An hour or so later, Paul was doing something or other at the new place when I got a phone call from him. “There was an… altercation… with the bowl cut lady,” he said.

“An altercation?”

“Yes. And I think I may have accidentally used the ‘c-word’”

“The ‘c-word’?”

“Yes. I might have used it during the altercation. Maybe.”

So there you have it. Where most companies would, I dunno- bring flowers or cookies or something, we bring (possibly) the “c-word”. Fortunately, there’s no “c-word” clause on the lease we signed. Nor is there a “filming men swallowing throatfuls of cum in the shared bathroom” clause, which promises to be an interesting discovery on the part of our neighbors.

This at a time when we have three (!) films about to be released back-to-back-to-back: FUCK HOLES, then Pirate Tape 1, and then Slurpin’ Jizz 2. Which means a slew of activity for our hardworking shipping department, reams of press releases, interviews, and ads from yours truly, the phones ringing off the hook, and doubletime yelling on the part of everyone’s favorite smut peddler.

FUCK HOLES will be available tomorrow on the website at a discounted rate. To whet your appetite, here’re some stills from the film you’ll be ordering by tomorrow afternoon:

And to make it more interesting, whoever writes the best comment on this blog entry by 4 p.m. Friday afternoon (PST) gets a free copy of FUCK HOLES.

xoxoxo

Congratulations are in Order

Congratulations to a man named Jason in Mission Viejo, CA, who won our most recent raffle. The raffle took place at the Gay Erotic Expo in Los Angeles, and was for a collection of every Treasure Island Media film to date.

We'll have men manning the Expo in New York City- Tom, our new Sales Manager, and Randy, the overzealous cum-gatherer discussed in my last post. We'll have the raffle going full bore then, as well, so make sure you play!

Randy's Recepticles

We’re in the process of shooting a film and we’re going to have to freeze cum for what I like to think of as "creative semen purposes". We need, for our creative semen purposes, to be able to fuck someone with a frozen hunk of cum, to be able to offer frozen cumsicles, to have cum keep our carbonated beverages cold. We need to make frozen protein icees.

Randy, our 2257-Csar, has been given the task of finding the perfect receptacle for semen collection and freezing.

(A sidenote: I never ever ever ever thought I would have a job where writing the above two paragraphs on company time wouldn’t get my ass utterly fired. The fact that I’m not only NOT fired, but I’m being paid to document these, the actual happenings in the office, well, that makes me want to wrap the whole world up in a towel and just cuddle the damn thing.)

So Randy, armed with the task at hand, made his way to the local sex-toy boutique and bought:

2 hollow pink plastic penises that had attachments which would, if squeezed, fire the penises across the room. This was a great diversion, and I kept trying to get it in Damon's eyes.

1 clear plastic penis pump. We discovered that if you put the business end of a penis pump on a mirror, it will cling to the mirror like a suction cup. It was attached to the office mirror for over an hour before someone realized that we’d forgotten to take it down.

An ice cube tray that made little peckers of ice,

And a gigantic (read: ½ gallon) glass bucket. Now. You figure that even the most tantrically-trained, swollen-balled yogi might, just might rub out a three tablespoon load. According to Google, a half gallon is equal to 128 tablespoons, or, if you’d prefer, 42.67 tantrically-trained, swollen-balled yogis. I figure maybe two people in San Francisco would even respond to a Craigslist ad for tantrically-trained, swollen-balled yogis, and neither of them would be legitimate, meaning that the film that would require Randy’s gigantic glass cum bucket cannot be made in this dimension. Because 42.67 tantrically-trained, swollen-balled yogis equals roughly 128 non-tantrically-trained, freshly-drained, everyday aspiring porn models. And organizing 128 men to get off into a glass bucket at roughly the same time is a Herculean task, and besides, that much cum is kinda gross. Don’t get me wrong. I work at Treasure Island Media- a prerequisite for employment here is a healthy appreciation of jizz. But anything in too large a dose is scary. For instance, one puppy is adorable, but a glass jar filled with 128 puppies is horrifying.

All this despite the fact that what was asked for was a shot glass or a beaker tube. But you have to respect Randy’s vision.

(A sidenote: Randy came up with the term “Man-naise” as a synonym for semen in a recent gang-bang model search. Also, we returned the sex toys to the store we bought them from, and they took them back, no questions asked. Scary, no?)

FUCK HOLES Trailer

Here's the teaser trailer for our new film, "FUCK HOLES", which will be available for purchase next week. TIM blog readers get to see it first!

Fuck Holes Promo

And what the hell- here's the trailer for "Dawson's 20-Load Weekend".

20 Load Weekend Promo

Newsflashes

I just got back from a nonstop orgy of sex-and-drugs mayhem out in the desert. There’s few things as intensely satisfying as driving around in a U.F.O. of a golf cart covered in flamethrowers, demanding to see the cocks of passerby, and being treated to a panoply of penises running the gamut from the most microcephalic pecker to the longest and largest example of Alabama Blacksnake I’ve seen this side of the Mississippi River.

I came home to find out that New Orleans had been decimated. My initial reaction was to turn the car around and head to Louisiana, but I’ve already taken off a month from work and I know I’m needed here. Paul and I talked about what we could do to help that would be at least somehow related to Treasure Island Media, and then we remembered that not too long ago, Damon Blows America made its way down to The Big Easy. Starting tomorrow, all profits from sales of Damon Blows America 5: New Orleans go directly to the Red Cross to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Our sympathies go out to everyone that has been affected by the disaster.

A lot of people have been commenting and emailing me with difficulties with the podcast. This was mainly due to my inability to understand that the url was case sensitive. We’ve made it easier by giving the podcast a more easily accessible url: www.paulmorrispodcast.com. Let me know how this works. You boys reading the blog have been beta testing for us, and I genuinely appreciate your helping us to iron out the kinks. The press release went out today, and we now have listings at both www.podcastpickle.com and www.podcastalley.com, both websites having been around far longer than iTunes, who seems to be taking their sweet time about listing us. I assume they are having trouble classifying our genre. No matter.

Also- and you heard it here first- our new film goes on sale by the end of this week. The film’s title is Fuckholes, and will star your favorite Treasure Island Media stars fucking each other stupid and performing obscene acts with gallons of cum. Because we wouldn’t have it any other way.