Madness, Guns, and Conversation

A brief glimpse into our mail files (all grammatical and spelling errors below are those of the author, who was understandably agitated):

Subject: Re: [CODE: PAUL MORRIS and MAX SOHL][THE KEY TO JOY IS DISOBEDIENCE][CODE: subplot][:k:]->[Video: DAWSON'S 20 LOAD WEEKEND][Video: BIG INSIDE][Video: FUCK HOLES][Video: BREEDING MIKE O'NEILL][[Video: KNOCKED UP][treasureislandmedia.com/tivideo/bbb-dawson.htm]

Sent to: benedictxvi@vatican.va; paul@treasureislandmedia (ed: I shortened this part, but it included the president of Bank of America, the general address for the FBI, and about 45 other people who probably don't assign a huge chunk of their time to gay porn)

Body: Dear FBI,

I am told that this is the one["weekend at bernie's"]. Now what? I doubt there are any images of me on that site. I hope i don't get sued for copyright infringement for blatanly diobeying the instructions on his web site. One thing i know that Todd has studied is copyright infringment law. why would a two-bit porn star care about that kind of stuff?

And apparantly, Paul Morris is a "philospher" , as well. If you would CROSS REFERENCE: Brooklyn Public Library Card Database, for ANY OTHER CARD WHICH USED MY ADDRESS TO REGISTER[ed: deleted], you'll find one of his "cronies": MR ALOPECIA[bald headed hustler].

The author of this email then sent along something like 10 other emails, all within the space of a few short minutes. Each letter had an equally complex subject line. The gist of the emails was that Paul had drugged the author, tied up his wife, and then filmed him getting gangfucked. Paul then used special effects to paste Dawsons face atop that of this poor, brutalized man. The author, fortunately, happened upon our website, where he slowly pieced together the facts of the situation: he had been hypnotized into believing he was a cumwhore.

And what's worse is that it's all true. There is no Dawson. Treasure Island Media is the Pixar of porn studios, and we sneek into people's homes (a la Geraldo-era Satanists), and kidnap straight guys from their wedding beds and fool them into putting beer bongs full of splooge into their open, willing assholes. This is our M.O., and there's nothing the FBI, or indeed, the Pope will do to stop us- after all, they're on our side.

Speaking of madness, Randy just came over to my desk with a picture he found on Craigslist. He claims that it is 2257-compliant, so I am pleased to share with you a picture of a threeway where one of the participants is what appears to be a fully automatic assault rifle:



You're welcome.

(Update- Randy and I both win awards for not being able to tell computer-generated graphics from a real picture of people boning. The artist is a man named Ulf, whose website, http://www.ulfworld.net, seems to be having some technical difficulties)

In other news, everybody that asked recieved a t-shirt, and the Paul Morris Forum is populating at a rapid clip. We're at over 150 members, and happily chatting about porn, cum, piss, fucking, blogs, and all the other stuff that other forums frown upon. Welcome home, boys.

Last week's game is still in play: all new registrants to the forums get a "FUCK YOU REAL GOOD" t-shirt. Last week's winners get their shirts shipped out today.